21 Things I Learned at 21

Relationships are hard.

1. It's a weird time of your life. Half your friends are getting married and pregnant. The rest download, delete, and re-download the same dating apps. You’re gonna go on some of the worse dates of your life this year. It’s a scary time (No Michael, I don’t care to know what character of the office you’re most like).

If you want a friend, be a friend.

1. If you want a friend who hears, listen. If you want a friend who sees, look If you want a friend who is there show up.

Being right is lonely.

1. There’s a saying “If you’re scared of being lonely, don’t try to be right.” The truth is that being right often comes at the expense of the feelings of others. Don’t compromise your values, but don’t be a know-it-all (out loud) either.

Some things are forever.

1. Delete that comment on the internet, it's not necessary (unless it's the comment in my earlier blog about my mom yelling at me over the JFK airport intercom). But seriously, people won’t always remember the things you do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

There’s no trophy for struggling just ask for help.

1. I’m so serious, you may believe in mansions in heaven that parallel earthly suffering, but I just don’t believe that extends to failing Algebra homework. But seriously, one day you’ll look back and you’ll realize that telling someone you’re struggling doesn’t make you a second-tier person.

For the love of God Bianca, leave that boy alone.

1. This is pretty self-explanatory really. I think I watched the hit early 2000s documentary ‘he’s just not that into you’ three times this year. I highly recommend this non-fiction expose to anyone who feels any confusion or doubt about whether or not a boy likes them. He doesn’t like you. He only cares about himself. Go get a cat queen.

Don’t overthink it.

1. Like literally calm DOWN. You’re on a floating rock. Aliens are real now???? Like you’re doing your BEST, go get that chocolate croissant.

You should probably forgive that person.

1. Listen, I know that stubbornly holding onto your anger makes you FEEL like you’re winning some imaginary war, but you’re just…… not. You might be thinking, I really did read all those Lysa Terkheurst books this year, didn’t I? Yeah, you did. You kind of love her, and she makes you feel not crazy for the first time in 10 years. So just speed up the process and let go of the crazy emotions. Sit with your anger long enough until one day she tells you her name is Grief.

Pick your battles.

1. But then stick with them. You are cursed and blessed with opinions. People will know you for them and ask you for them. You hold your opinions closely and that's fine, but pick the important ones. Pick the ones that make you smile at night when you think of them. Pick the ones that you can’t sleep without. Hold the ones that make you settled and warm inside. Leave the ones that create division and strife.

Communication isn’t healthy if it’s not kind.

1. A well-meaning soul once told you that some communication is better than no communication. While this is true, don’t fall victim to the lazy tendency to say “At least I communicated my feelings”. Be a MAN (sorta), don’t vomit your emotions on someone else. That’s not communicating, that's displacement, and it's childish.

No one hates you.

1. This is just TRUE (I think). No one has the time or the energy to lay awake at night and plot your downfall. Like I barely have the time to plot my outfit for the week. I’ve had an "outfits of the week TikTok sitting in my drafts for 6 months. WHO HAS THE TIME TO HATE YOU? Knock it off.

You’re not the center of the universe, people don’t sit in obsession and pick you apart. They don’t even think about you. Calm Down.

1. When you leave a room, your friends don’t IMMEDIATELY start talking about you and ranking all the horrible terrible things you’ve done behind your back. They’re your friends, they do that to your face. But even if that were true, why would you keep going back to that room anyway? That sounds awful. If your friends all sit and talk about you behind your back, then they’re not your friends.

You won’t regret being nice to that person.

1. No one regrets being nice to someone. Like ever. It doesn’t happen, promise. People regret being mean to people. But kindness? Kindness is free, so share it.

You were right the first time.

1. Like seriously. I’m looking back at all your instincts, thoughts, hesitancies, and concerns. You were right the first time. Don’t let them push you around and sow seeds of doubt in your mind. You know your mind, you knew it all along.

Do the hard things first.

1. Eat your salad first, run first thing in the morning, fold your laundry before you watch tv, and pay your credit card bills before you go to Starbucks. Set yourself up for success. Promise you’ll be happier.

Go read a book.

1. You LOVE reading, a lot, and it’s good for you. Do you know what you don’t love? Doomscrolling on your neighborhood community Facebook page (this is only partly true, I actually find those people hilarious). Those people are crazy and they’re making you crazy. Do you know what's not good for you? The TikTok algorithm.

Learn to like yourself.

1. If you can’t learn to like yourself, why would anyone else like you? Also, don’t be a baby, do some self-reflection. Why don’t you like you? Or, why DO you like you? If you don’t have any reasons to like you, why would anyone else?

Sit somewhere in silence.

1. Put the phone down, go stare at a wall and listen to your thoughts. You don’t think very nicely about yourself. Hate yourself less.

Go outside.

1. Go take a nap on the beach (WITH sunscreen this time). Go climb a tree, do you know how long it's been since you climbed a tree??? Go sit in the grass and look for a four-leaf clover. Just, go outside.

You need to stretch, you’re stiffer than a corpse in a casket. It’s not natural.

1. Self-explanatory again, every time you bend over you make a noise, and not a hot noise. Go do some yoga and meditate or something. While you’re at it, try doing things someone else’s way too, you won’t melt.

If your body doesn’t like it, it doesn’t like it.

1. You’re lactose intolerant, put the cheese DOWN.